Day ???...Typical Behavior!

Yes, you can say that I have a tendency to be all or nothing! I stopped writing this blog for one day over 7 months ago and have thought about it nearly every day...yet have done nothing. This is a great example of the pattern of my life. I go "all in" for a period of time be it working out, eating right, working, writing, etc...and then I take 1 day of and I'm gone. We'll I'm back.

With this pattern in my life, how in the hell have I stayed sober? I think I hit on the answer to that last night in re-reading "How it Works" in the Big Book. I need to stop trying to take control of outcomes and start taking my entire life one day at a time and apply the principles of the program in all of my affairs. This means turning my will and my life over to my Higher Power. For once this actually makes sense to me.

After reading last night and reflecting on the reading (not analyzing and trying to figure it out) it just seemed so easy...LET IT GO! This is exactly what I did to get sober. When I faced myself in that moment, I surrendered. In that moment the obsession to drink was lifted in such a way that it could have only been by something greater than me. I spent so much time thinking about not drinking, but could not beat the obsession until that moment.

My plan now is to use the program of AA not only to keep me sober, but to use the experience to build my life and my future. I don't know what it will look like, but I have decided that if i give myself and my will that I will be pleasantly surprised by the results. It's a leap of faith, but I have seen enough in the rooms to know that the future that the 12 steps hold for me is much better than the pain and loneliness that led me to this program.

So I have removed the pressure of writing everyday, I have decided to use this space as a place where I can express myself and share my journey without a hook. It is about reovery and living life as it comes. So I'm back...today.