Day 21…Good Morning!

April 3, 2008
Weight: 237
Walk: 2 miles, 30’50”
Location: Home: Treadmill

Well, I finally got out of bed today early! This has been a struggle for me as long as I can remember and it feels good to break the habit of sleeping late (at least for today). It comes down to a matter of motivation. I KNOW that when I get up and get moving I have a much better day…I feel more energetic and feel better about myself. With the challenges I have had lately my biggest issues are energy and self confidence so it only makes sense to take an action that will help me in these areas. It just continues to amaze me how habits can control us even when we know that they are hindering development and growth.

After hanging out with the kids and making breakfast I walked for 2 miles on the treadmill. I spent this time thinking about a number of things…first is my friend who told me that his son tried to kill himself over the weekend. I cannot imagine anything worse for a parent than to know that your child is in that much pain. He and I have spoken about it and talked a bit about depression and the issues that we both have/are facing with it. Depression is such an awful disease and so often ignored. As difficult as the situation is for him, all I can do is offer support and help him to see that they have an opportunity now as a family to help each other and try to heel. It is awful that it has to start from a situation like this, but as I am learning, it often takes great amounts of pain to foster growth.

This led me to think about my situation and to try an place some perspective on where I am in my recovery and to really think about what “One day at a time” really means. After going thorough my defects and discussing step 6 at the noon meeting yesterday I have realized that I can’t just wish these defects away, but have to learn to accept them as a part of me, be compassionate to myself and others and develop new habits and actions to create a life that will allow me to work towards my potential. I must be patient in this process and that’s where “One day at a time” comes in.

I have often heard that either you are moving forward or backwards. Recently I have felt stuck trying to take in and “work” steps 45, 6 & 7. I now realize that work means action and with the start to my day today I feel like I’m moving forward.