Day 12...Moving Forward

March 25, 2008
Weight: 240
Walk: About 1.5 miles, 27’34”
Location: Home - Neighborhood

I again did not leave much time to walk today (time I start planning better!), so I decided to leave early for the 7:00 meeting that I wanted to go to and try and get a half hour to myself. The past week has been quite a struggle, but I finally think I’m getting some clarity.

Today was filled with a noon AA meeting followed immediately by a counseling session for my wife and I. During the meeting I asked for help in and guidance for my 4th step which I am working on. The advice was great and it really got me excited about “crossing the threshold” as somebody put it. It was also mentioned that I must be sure that I have got 1, 2 & 3 down…especially 3. I thought I did months ago, but in recent days I feel like my understanding and willingness to let go and turn my life and my will over have finally come to fruition. Before I was still grasping and trying to mold things my way and after enough pain I have decided to give up and let someone else have a shot. it is actually interesting because during our joint counseling session I started to say that I am not as far as I should be in my recovery, but I as the words started to leave my mouth I said “I am…right where I’m supposed to be”. This has a lot of meaning to me because it shows me that all of the pain and suffering that I have felt is part of the process and what I have needed to get to this point…others are different, but this is what I needed.

So my walk was really just about letting thoughts come in and out of my mind. I have so many things that have floated through in the past week from anger, resentment, release, faith, family, love, compassion…etc. That I think I have just overwhelmed my senses and needed some time to just let things come and go and experience the air, my breathing and the snow flurries as they fell.

As I stated earlier, today’s walk was really just a travel from home to the local meeting in a round about way, but just having the time to be with my thoughts and having the discipline to get the walk in, even if it’s only 27 minutes is something that is starting to mean a lot to me and time that I look forward to each day to relax, refresh and really take a look at me, my potential and how I can reach it.