March 20, 2008
Weight: 242
Walk: About 1.63 miles, 30”00”
Location: Tampa, FL (Hotel treadmill)
Well, the weather finally clouded up a bit. It is pleasant and good enough to walk outside, but I’m running a little behind today so I decided to stick with the treadmill. The Gym offers a nice view of the water so all was not lost. I walked at a pace of 3.3 mph at a 1% incline just to a little something to it. I could see the skullers on the water going by and I must say that I marvel at their dedication and discipline. These are 2 traits that I could use definite improvement in.
As I started to think about dedication and discipline I began to think about my flaws in these areas and the biggest one is financial. I have never been able to be disciplined financially and it is probably the biggest stress in my life. I have what seems to be an insurmountable amount of debt and I don’t know where to begin. As I thought about this more it brought me back to self will and finally to humility. Humility is the answer. I must be willing to admit my failure and unmanageability and seek outside help to solve this problem. Sound familiar? I must take the same tact that I have with my drinking problem, I cannot do it by myself. I must leg do of the tension and stress because it is behind me and pray for God’s help and will to guide me in the right direction.
I think that I do know what to do and must now be able to humble myself and take the approach that I don’t have the answers. It is not that I think if I pray to God he will help me lottery or something, but will help me to make better decisions and lead me down a path of recovery…mush like he has with my drinking problem.
It all comes down to the battle of my will versus his. My will tells me that I deserve all of the things that I want and I was given the credit to do just that…this is unmanageability or as they say in the big book, self will run riot. I can justify myself into any decision I want and continue to do this now…”I don’t have to go to a meeting this morning because I worked too late last night”…these are excuses and I now see more so as me ignoring God’s will. With every decision I make there is one direction that is better, it is just a matter of me making that decision and taking that action. It does not mean that the decision I make is necessarily wrong or bad, but it is not the better of the two. This is something that I need to pay more careful attention to and try to make more better decisions each day.
A great example of this is my decision to walk. I have now stuck with this for 7 days and I feel healthy. It is incredible. This is because I’m making the right decision each day to take the walk, no matter what. I have applied the same discipline to my drinking…I’m not taking a drink today no matter what! Here are two examples of how following God’s will has shown me results…why can’t it work for my financial situation? Just focus on today, right now and make the next right decision. It is a matter of faith. If I believe in God and believe in my ability to humble myself and follow his will I will be on
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