March 17, 2008
Weight: 240
Walk: 1 lap Duck Pond Loop – 26’31”
Location: Home
Today it seems that my anxiety has followed me into the day. I’m not sure what is causing this…is it just too much on my mind from digging up all of these feelings that I have suppressed for so long? Is it my anti-depressant that I started to take again? I’m not sure, but it is really annoying. I was hoping that my walk would alleviate some of this and it has, but only slightly. I think I will need to do some yoga later on…I need to do something to start getting better sleep.
My walk today was fairly short, but it seems like the day is getting away from me and I still have much to do (maybe it’s my lack of organization that’s causing my anxiety!!!). Though my walk was short, I think it was very valuable. I walked around the duck pond down the hill from my house. I felt that I needed to get outside to walk today rather than just hitting the treadmill because it is a clear sunny day and after a long winter I felt the need to get out there even for a short time.
As I started walking I could feel the sun on my face warming me while the air was chilly enough so that I could see my breathe. This is a really great feeling because the cool air tastes clean and fresh, but the warm sun is a taste of things to come…better weather! I can remember loving these days when I was young. I was always going outside to play as soon as there was any sign of spring. No amount of mud could stop me! I was going out to play baseball. It is really funny because I watch my oldest son and he is the same. As soon as the snow is off the ground he is out there setting up bases and playing an imaginary game by himself…exactly like I used to.
I started my walk on the road around the pond as long as I could because it was really muddy and slick. At a certain point a decision has to be made to either stay on the road and walk the streets or head onto the trail that goes around the pond. I decided to head to the trail. The trail was a combination of frozen mud, ice, snow, grass and sloppy mud. The trail is very narrow and slopes down quickly. I learned this the hard way by trying to avoid the mud and instead slipping on the hill and falling. I fell a second time walking on a piece of ice, again to avoid the mud. I guess you could say there is a lesson in this for may and it may even be a way to explain my anxiety…sometimes you have to go through the mud to get where you’re going. And I would have to say that In my life I am walking through the mud right now in many ways, but I also try to avoid it now and then. In the past as soon as their was any sign of mud I could always find refuge in a drink. Now that I think of it, the experience of getting sober is quite a bit like walking through mud for a while. You have to watch each step carefully so you don’t fall and take your time. There is no need to rush because whatever you are walking to will still be there when you arrive and by being careful you won’t have to clean the mud off of your pants and your hands like I do right now. I guess that I look at the mud as a transition from the winter to the spring and my hope is that this journey is my transition from the Winter of my life to the Spring. This is something I want to think about more…
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