Day 13...Squeezing it in

March 26, 2008
Weight: 241
Walk: About 1.25 miles, 21’55”
Location: Home - Neighborhood

I had a real craving for Chinese food all day today and help of as long as I could. I finally decided that if I wanted it I would have to walk to get it…2 birds with 1 stone! So I made the 10 minute walk each way my walk for today. Not much of a workout, but I did it. I had considered skipping today, but I’m glad I didn’t.

During my walk I was thinking about the power of positive thought and thinking about what I want my life to look like. This came from reading “The Secret” this afternoon. The book speaks about the power of attraction and the need to channel positive thoughts about what you want and the life you as the first step in achieving it. At first I struggled with this notion because does this mean that I’m taking my will back? The more I considered it I decided that it all depends on what it is that I see for my life. What I see is living a life based on compassion, humility and love. With these pillars I will find success as a friend, partner, parent and also in business. All along the way setting an example and being available to help others who struggle like I once did with lack of self esteem, fear and addiction.

In addition to visualizing what it is that I want my life to look like, I also need to plan and think about the steps necessary to get there. The steps I need to take are those of AA. I need to learn to trust in my higher power and develop trust in myself. The first thing I need to do is work on my inventory and use this as a test to trust myself…can I be thorough and fearless? I think I can. What has happened is done…my defects are there and I am well aware of them. Now I must make the effort to really spell it all out and then share it with Mark. This is a major step for me and I have a tremendous amount of excitement and anxiety about it.

I’m going to re-read the Big Book section on the steps tonight and try to focus on my inventory during my walk tomorrow.