Day 15...Chip Day

March 28, 2008
Weight: 242
Walk: 2 miles, 31’38”
Location: Home - Treadmill

Ok, my lack of weight loss is starting to get to me. Usually when I start an exercise program I lose weight pretty quickly…this time its not happening. Guess I need to keep track of what I’m eating and perhaps be patient and be happy about just feeling better.

Now that I got that off my chest, I was forced back inside for my walk today because we got 5 inches of snow last night. I cannot wait until its warm and I can walk outside everyday…again patience.

For my walk today I spent some time thinking about my first year of sobriety because at the noon meeting I went to today (1 year, 1 month and 26 days sober) I was finally able to pick up my 1 year chip. It felt great to get it in my hands because it means so much to me. I am actually glad I didn’t get it sooner because the way I have started to feel over the past few days makes me feel that I can now really start to appreciate what this means.

The freedom and peace that I am feeling now that I have decided to surrender and accept life as it comes has completely changed my outlook on my life, my relationships and the meaning of my sobriety. As I walked I remembered the day when I finally said enough. I was in my office following a blow out with my wife crying and wondering why all of this was happening to me. I had done some research on the AA website previously, but had no desire to stop drinking because I liked it so much. The next thing I remember is looking at myself in the mirror with tears on my face saying I can’t do this anymore…I need to stop drinking. As the words left my mouth I could feel this enormous weight lift off of me…it was an amazing feeling, but I had no idea what I was in for.

The months that have followed have been a roller coaster…feeling good, new job, no hangovers, still reeling emotionally, fired from my new job, still trying to do it my way, new sponsor, going to more meetings, going back to my old company, still depressed, suffering from emotional hangovers and finally deciding to turn over both my will and my life. What a trip. And now getting to my inventory!

I have to say that I continue to be amazed at the people I have met and the amazing way that AA has worked to save so many people. It really is about living and it is a gift that I feel very grateful to have had come into my life. I don’t know where I would be without it, but I know I would not feel the way I do right now or feel as hopeful about the future as I do right now.